Making change is hard but necessary, often for peace of mind and sanity. No matter if it is a little change or a big change it is tumultuous and can turn your world upside down, for a time. But in the end it can help you to blossom and find true happiness.
This is my journey.
I visited Alaska recently and that was the start of the evaluation of my direction in life. Alaska is big, wide and a softly written ode to the simple life. Log cabins, simple shacks, land and space. Visiting there and feeling physically great for the first time in a very long time, I felt infused, with hope and vision. Alaska gave me solace, quiet and rest.
Once I returned home to my life, it was back to my personal rat race. Three hours of travel time everyday, a good job as determined by society, and anxiety. As I resumed my routine, returning in full force came my maladies and constant companions aches, anxiety and exhaustion. They were not welcome. It took me a few weeks of pondering to realize that simplicity was what I was lacking.
I needed change.
Exercise was first in my mind and I thought I would like to try yoga. I got up every morning for a week and did yoga with my phone. I am not the best, I enjoy it and it does start my day with relaxation, however, I need a class. Then I forced myself to walk away from my desk ( I am chained to it) and eat lunch outside for a quick 30 minute rejuvenator, still telling myself this is a good break in the day, the entire time chanting in my brain…2 more years. 2 years that feels that a lifetime.
The denial continued. I contemplated for about a month, toiling my way through the daily doldrums of unfulfilling work and then I began asking questions and determining what my options truly are. I felt empowered just knowing I have choices.
Turns out my options are not as dead-end as I thought. I can retire (from my current job, not fully) and pursue a different line of work. I can take a few months off to regroup and find new work. Or I can continue working at the same “good” job and continue to feel overwhelmed, stressed and under fulfilled. At this point in my life, I continue wanting to do good. I guess it is the philantropist part of my soul trying to escape.
Now before the logic devil provides me reasons that this is crazy behavior please remember I am not always logical, I am a risk taker in my own way. I try to live in the now. So saying goodbye to this particular type of stress is appealing. It gives me a smidge of comfort knowing I do have a choice (it’s a control thing).
So I continue to ponder, should I buy that trailer by the sea or begin my cross country camper adventure now?? In truth and much more likely, retire from one to move on to another. I am really too young to stop working, nor do I want to.
I am looking for my next adventure.
Who is hiring?
Until Next Time,