I have always thought of myself as rational. Maybe not logical, but definitely rational. I have never been much a risk taker in my eyes, but in the eyes of others I am fearless.. at times.
Sure I had my share of experimentation, I mean I skipped class in high school a few times, failed gym ( probably the class I was cutting), drank a little, the usual high school hijinks.
But the one thing I have always done is work. I lived in fear of not having a J-O-B. I started working at 15 at a local Department Store, Federated. My friend got me the job and we folded clothing and put it in these big bins all tidy like. Now that was job security…folding. Mr. Tiller ran the place and he was a great boss. The store had this space above the store from which you could see the entire store and he was usually always in his office that looked over the store. He smoked a pipe and it always smelled like cherry tobacco,. Interestingly, pipe smoke always reminds me of him.
But I digress, work is what I know. I have done many things, been a librarian, a welder, a waitress, a fork lift driver, a factory worker, a orthodontic assistant ( yeah that one didn’t pan out), a government employee, pastry server, Barista, factory worker, tour guide, pizza maker, a Marine to name a few. I have walked away from two jobs in my lifetime and have been fired from two as well (I can’t thank you enough.) It’s the security of work that keeps me coming back and in which my most rational thoughts lay. In order to pay bills you must work, to be happy and content you must work. Work is rational or is it?
What makes it rational to work? There are no guarantees with work, it takes all day long every day, for some there are no rewards, it is simply a life sucking must. If you want to live life, you must work to live life. Quite a conundrum. Sometimes, I am completely on board and other times, not so much. I sit and make lists of how I could get by and work as little as possible. I assess how much do I really need to work and how much do I need to enjoy life? Often, I can even convince myself on paper, I could do this.. But it always looks better on paper right?
Over my life, I have contemplated being irrational, it has an excitement to it that I cannot explain. For me the greatest irrational act I could ever commit is to walk away from work, without having another gig lined up. The sweet decadence of that uncertainty is oddly appealing and terrifying all at once.
I know..I know.. but I can’t help it. It’s scary and exhilarating all at once. The day is coming, I can feel it inside myself, the overwhelming desire to shake things up in my secure little world. I am at a place, that retirement is looming and decisions must be made. I tell people that I will not retire from something but to something. A new beginning, a fresh chance to be wide-eyed and inexperienced. It helps us to thrive if we can recapture the joy in starting something new. It recharges our internal batteries and our minds become filled with possibilities no matter what our age. It’s the newness that strike a chord and leaves us hungry.
No worries, my rational always creeps in and keeps me grounded. But the fun of thinking about just throwing caution to the wind, I believe it’s something hidden in us all. Just walk away, live a life of uncertainty, take all your money buy a ticket to somewhere, at sometime in your life do something unexpected, something irrational. It will feel so good. You will want to scream it to the mountaintops ( or cornfields if you live where I do. ) find your passion and feed the fire.
I know I do, I want to explore the world I want to try something with little or no expertise.. just because….you never know what you can do till you try. I mean you can be an actress for some being in the right place at the right time, or an undiscovered artist because you didn’t pick up a brush, or a fabulous singer who was never given a microphone. All because you never became irrational, or worse you lacked passion.
For me personally I want it all… work, artistry, beauty, family, adventure, friends and love.
Who’s with me??
Until Next time,